I have thoughts part 6

Am I the only person who doesn't understand how the Army ranking system works?

I don't really carry cash around with me, and my "money clip" consists of one of those black and silver paper clasps. My exgirlfriend's father showed me his money clip, which was some idiom of precious metal that was basically a glitzy version of this, and said it was 40 bucks if you order it off of some website; my thought was, why not just spend $0.40 instead? In any case, sometimes I'll have a 20 or something in my wallet and I pay with that, and the cashier hands me back my change, and I do a quick bank face, fold and clip into my money clip. Seriously though, is it just me, or do you get the sudden anxious feeling that you're holding up the entire line when you're putting money back in your wallet?

I'm mesmerized by how satisfying it is to look at someone you used to have a meaningless crush on years ago but you thought they were way out of your league, then you see them again on Facebook years later and realize that there's no earthly way you'd date them now.

I have thoughts part 5

Spiderman would be absolutely useless in the suburbs.

If there's a way to let someone know that they have a booger hanging out of their nose without instantly breeding awkwardness, I'd love to hear it.

I have thoughts part 4

Whenever someone tells me that they're not book smart, they're street smart, what I always hear is "I'm not real smart, I'm imaginary smart"

It is impossible to run with a backpack and not look like a douchebag

I have thoughts part 3

I haven't shit my pants in well-over 20 years, yet I compulsively pack extra underwear when I go on vacation. Truthfully, I'm not even sure what this would accomplish anyway.

I find it's easy to justify not giving money to homeless people once I remind myself that later this month I'll be making a payment toward a soft taco I ordered at 2 in the morning like, 6 months ago.

No matter how old I get, home in my contacts will always be my parents house number.

I have thoughts part 2

I got tickets to Phish at Cincy, this is exciting, as Ticketmaster may be quite possibly the worst corporation ever to be all corporationy. My third attempt at Phish tix this year was successful, as the first 2 were major fails.

When does it become unacceptable to run up stairs on all fours when you're in a hurry? Does anyone still do this when they're by themselves?

I think that one of the requirements for being a college basketball coach is the ability to spontaneously make yourself look like you just can't fucking believe it (gotta rep the Wildcats, I suppose).

I have thoughts part 1

How would we ever find out what our friends' kids were doing every hour on the hour if Facebook suddenly took away the status update option?

Do you think the makers of guitar hero and rockband instinctively knew that that douchey feeling you get when you play those cheap plastic instruments would go away based on alcohol consumption?